The Dark Days

Today. Well where do I begin?

Well I’ll be honest, for the past almost two weeks, life has been a serious struggle. My energy levels have plummeted and I have one priority that is sucking the life out of me: sleep. But no matter how much of that good stuff I get, nothing can refuel my energy tank.

The other night, I was so shattered that I fell asleep at 5pm in the evening. And didn’t wake until 7.30am the next day. Usually, I will wake up to eat some dinner. But that night I was beyond exhausted to the point where nothing could wake my slumber. And after a whole almost 15 hours of sleep, I still could have kept sleeping. Probably for an extra few years if I had it my way.

My world feels like it’s in a daze. I see things happening around me, but it’s like it is all like a dream. Every thing is happening in slow motion and I am just standing back observing like it is a movie. Nothing seems real.

I have felt like this a couple of times in my life. The first was when I first got sick with chronic fatigue and had no idea what was going on. The second and cumulative occasions after that have happened when I have been having a chronic fatigue ‘setback’ or crash as it is more colloquially called.

For all of those not so offay with the chronic fatigue lingo a setback is when you have a dip in your chronic fatigue recovery process. Most of your symptoms return in amplified fashion and your energy levels are so phenomenally low you feel as though you can barely function. When these moments happen, naturally you freak out at the fear that after all the hard work you have put into getting better that the chronic fatigue is returning in full force. But the truth is, crashes are all part of the recovery process.

Like anything in life, recovering from a potentially chronic illness has it’s ups and downs. The up’s are fantastic! You feel like by some miracle that you are better, like your life is returning back to normal. You feel like you are flying on top of the world. But then the down’s hit. Your muscles ache, you can barely move from bed and the thought of eating healthy food makes you sick. All you want is chocolate, sugar and carbs to get your energy levels back up, even if it is false, temporary energy.

In this whole roller-coaster ride, there are two huge challenges. Well for me anyway. The first is learning to pace your energy levels when you are riding that high, trying not to overdo it and burn yourself out. The second is identifying what has caused the ‘crash’ and figuring out how to deal with it to avoid further repercussions.

As we have already established, I am very much naturally a type A personality: an overachiever with a habit of overdoing it. Admittedly, this personality type has been suppressed in my attempts to recover from this illness but when I reach those peaks, naturally that old me comes out in full force. I run, I party, I socialise like crazy. There is no stopping this girl. Suddenly, I think the true me is back. But the hardest part is trying to take a step back and stop those urges and find that balance, a difficulty I am still currently working to address.

And then there comes the downs. Oh how I hate that bitch! And she comes in many forms. The first is when your immunity is low and you pick up a sickness. Now this is not like any normal person being sick. Imagine feeling like you have the flu 24/7 + actually having the flu or a virus. It’s actually the devil. When this kind of thing hits you it’s like a tornado, and you just got to ride it out. There is no exercise, minimal physical activity and lots of drugs and cuddles until you get better.

The second is a one-off overexertion or the accumulation of overexerting activities. Socialising for too long the day before. Overdoing it on that run because you had more energy. A super stressful day at work. The post-malaise hits you almost immediately and for the next few days after you feel lifeless, unable to think straight or function like a normal person. But when you have these kind of days, slowly overexerting it here and there, that’s when shit really hits the fan. You are too fatigued to work, study or do anything besides lay there, listening to meditation. Even trying to watch an episode of your fave Netflix TV show or having a conversation is out of the question. Your body and it’s energy just goes on strike. It may be for a couple of days, it may be for a week but there is nothing worse then when it drags on for a couple of weeks and you struggle to lift yourself back up again. You are super depressed, crying at people’s happy posts on facebook. You are angry at the world. You just want somebody to inject you with a coffee with a never-ending high. But you must keep up with your program, working at your baselines with exercise, work, study and whatever else drains your energy. And most of the time, gradually, the energy returns.

And the third well this can be a fuzzy one. Issues with medication, eating the wrong foods (mainly foods you are allergic to), changes in weather or vitamin deficiencies, these are all difficult ones to deal with. In my experience, after eliminating gluten and dairy in the hope to make myself feel better I have found that when I ‘accidentally’ (and by accidentally I mean sometimes purposely) ingest these foods, my body goes in to lock down. Which is all the more reason why I have to be super vigilant about what I put into my body. When I eat gluten in particular, my brain just switches off and my body transforms to that of a 90 year old for approximately one week. As much as some glutenous foods taste I often have to think, is it worthwhile feeling like an old woman for a week to eat it? Most of the time, yes.

In all my time trying to recover from this horrid illness, some of the worst crashes I have had are from medication. In the hope of seeking assistance from naturopath’s and specialists and trying out various supplements, I have found that most my body just rejects in it’s highly sensitive state. She can be such a needy bitch sometimes. On the very rare occasion I have found some supplements that really work for me and make me feel better. But more often then not, when I take supplements I feel confused, cloudy, unusually energetic, somewhat bi-polar and just all round weird in the head. It’s safe to say, when somebody recommends I try something these days, I tread with absolute caution.

So now you know the in’s and out’s of chronic fatigue crashes, lets get back to my present reality. My usually optimistic self has temporarily gone into hibernation. I feel distant from myself. I feel disorientated and off with the fairies. I am highly emotional and depressed. And I have absolutely no appetite, except for chocolate. So the question is what kind of crash is this and how do I deal with this?

Well at the moment, it seems this crash may be related to a vitamin deficiency. What a lot of people don’t know is that with chronic fatigue your body has gone so haywire that even the simplest of normal bodily functions consume so much of your energy. And energy comes from the foods and derived vitamins that we put into our body. Therefore, most chronic fatigue sufferers need a greater then average dose of vitamins in order to compensate for the immense loss of energy.

After visiting the Doctor the other day, with my ridiculously pale skin, chronic fatigue diagnosis and confession of my vegetarian diet, automatically he began to suspect an iron deficiency. And with a history of anaemia, there is probably a high possibility that this is the case.

So with another pathology request in hand, once again I trot off to the pathologist where for the 1 billionth time, I get my blood taken to see what is going wrong with my body this time. I tell you what it is lucky I have good veins otherwise this almost-weekly trip would be harrowing. For once, my body has done something good.

As I eagerly wait for the results to come back on Monday, I must now just try and persevere with this irritable, moody, nauseous, not-hungry, wacked out and incredibly tired version of me. Honestly I don’t know who it is worse for- me or the people around me. I think the people around me deserve a whole lot of credit for putting up with me in this state at the moment. Or maybe a medal. Something valuable because not even I can stand me in this present state.

Well here is to hoping I get back to my mildly energetic self asap, otherwise all hell may break loose.

Lets hope tomorrow is a better day.

teaghanlee x

 

 

 

 

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The Truth Behind Chronic Fatigue

I hear people say it all the time. I am tired. I am exhausted. I need more sleep. But what would you do if one day you no longer had the energy to do even the most simplest of things? Cooking dinner, showering, even thinking and all you wanted to do was just sleep.

Well this is what happened to me and after two and half years of suffering from this multi-faceted illness, I am still struggling to reclaim the life I once had.

Before I got sick, my life was fantastic. I had just moved to Newtown, the lesbian capital of NSW, and as a single lesbian was excited about the prospect of living life to the full and exploring my sexuality. I was working my dream gig at JB HI FI and was an avid gym-goer, training once, sometimes even twice every day to offset my weekend partying habits.

As an overachiever, I always had a habit of taking on to much. And because life was going so well and I was feeling on top of the world, I thought why not fulfil my passion of becoming a PT? So I decided to put my marketing degree on hold in the hope that I could become a fully qualified PT and combine my marketing expertise and fitness qualifications to start my own business. Typical Teaghan move.

I enrolled with the Australian Institute of Fitness, commencing studies around about the same time that I got another job working at Platypus Shoes. So now, not only was I partying, training and working at JB a couple of days a week, I was also studying and working a second job. Now that I look back, it’s no surprise I crashed and burned.

Slowly, I started to notice little things happening. As somebody who used to be really great at talking to people, I was finding trying to articulate myself was becoming increasingly difficult. New people I met, customers at work, whoever I communicated with I struggled to not only get the right words out, but found myself becoming exhausted just talking to them.

I found that studying and learning new information became almost impossible. No matter what it was I just couldn’t remember things, or even worse found that information was getting confused in my head making it even more difficult when trying to communicate that same information back to others. For the first time in my life, I felt stupid and unintelligent.

Then came the more obvious signs of exhaustion. I no longer had the stamina to work out at the gym, get through a whole day at work or even read a chapter of a book. Even the simplest things like blow drying my hair, cooking dinner or showering had become the biggest effort. All I wanted to do was just shut off from the world and sleep. But adult life doesn’t really let you do that. Especially when you got bills to pay.

As I tend to do, I pushed through just thinking it was just me feeling depressed or just being plain lazy. I had always been very hard on myself and as somebody who refused to give up, definitely wasn’t going to let my body crash on me. I just kept drinking my double shot macchiatos and pumped myself full of supplements and pre-workout to keep me going.

Despite all of this going on, I still maintained my avid party lifestyle going out to all the latest lesbian clubs with my group of gay friends and meeting girls. While I enjoyed it for a bit, it wasn’t until I met a girl that I decided that I needed to take a break from this lifestyle for a bit and just settle down.

With much struggle, I finally finished my PT course and after resigning from JB HI FI, got a job at Vision PT. I was absolutely ecstatic and finally felt like all my goals were starting to align, even despite the 4am wake ups and 6am starts as a personal trainer. Despite feeling mentally and physically exhausted, I still continued to build my business all while training clients and myself and working at Platypus Shoes.

But a few months of early starts, my body finally gave in. I found myself being unable to train at all, consistently unable to get out of bed and taking a shit load of sick days to try and get some rest. But no matter how much rest I had, I still felt exhausted. I kept drinking coffee and eating loads of sugar to try and increase my energy but that just ended up making me feel worse.

24/7 I felt like crap. I was consistently getting sick. My muscles ached. I felt sick in the stomach and bloated all the time. I craved endless amount of carbs to try and increase my energy. I was running out of breath walking 100 metres. As somebody who was used to having control over their life, I became increasingly frustrated, depressed and anxious as that control began slipping through my finger tips. I was becoming somebody I no longer knew or even liked.

But I put on a brave face. After beginning to date the new girl I had met, I couldn’t show my vulnerabilities and weakness to her could I? Especially not this girl as she was something special and I feared if I did I would lose her.

I had never been one to show anyone my vulnerable side or ask for help, even from my family, so I continued to suck it up. But deep down, I was struggling so badly.

I began to come increasingly scared of what was happening. And Dr. Google wasn’t much help. My endless searches of trying to match my symptoms with a cause resulted in several possible outcomes: cancer, severe mental illness or an incurable autoimmune disease, among others. As stupid as this sounds, I began to think that I was dying. And endless Doctor visits didn’t ease my concerns.

In the space of six months, I had more Doctor’s visits then I had ever had in my life time trying to get to the bottom of what was going on. Blood test after blood test, every result came back normal with no answers. The Doctor’s began to believe it was psychological, and quite frankly so did I. But this illness whatever it was was making me depressed as I was no longer able to work, train or do things I used to once enjoy.

Then, in the cloudiness of everything, I made a big decision. After a less then 6 months of being together, my then girlfriend and I decided to pack up and move from Sydney to Melbourne. With all my family back on the Central Coast, and my friends scattered between the Coast and Sydney, I knew absolutely nobody in Melbourne. However her family were there and wanted us to move to be closer to them. So I thought why not? I could see a future with this girl and at the time, it didn’t seem like such a stupid idea.

After quitting my job at Vision PT, we moved to Melbourne and while I enjoyed the sea change, things continued to get worse for me. I ended up having to quit my job at Platypus Shoes despite getting a transfer to one of the Melbourne stores and found myself struggling to get through the days. I could no longer keep up with anyone else and found myself getting so stressed and exhausted from normal everyday tasks.

My search for what was going on continued. More blood tests, more tests and no answers. After more Doctor’s visits with no avail, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I continued to research my symptoms, and finally found something that correlated with everything I was going through, Chronic Fatigue.

After months of frustration and no answers, I went to my Doctor with my findings whereby she agreed that Chronic Fatigue could be a possible cause for my symptoms. Finally, I was getting somewhere. I was referred to a Rheumatologist where after the process of elimination I was given a diagnosis. Fibromyalgia and later Chronic Fatigue.

I thought I would be relieved after this, but I found myself reigned with disappointment and heartache after what the specialist told me and what I read about the illness. According to both sources, my life was never going to be the same. I would probably never be able to work, study or socialise again as my limited energy levels were not likely to ever improve. I was heartbroken. In that minute, all my future hopes and dreams were crushed.

I already knew I was depressed. But this just took me to the next level. I would often have suicidal moments where I thought that to continue living would just be a pointless feat. I felt like I was just a waste of life and without being able to fulfil my passions and ambitions, my purpose in this world was invalid. I cried and grieved for my old life, the old me.

I tried so hard to remain positive. Not only for myself, but for my girlfriend. I feared that if I showed her how much I was hurting or what I was going through she would no longer love me anymore. I mean who would want to be with a depressed, exhausted girl with no future right? To be honest, I didn’t blame her if she ran away. She had her whole life to live and I was just holding her back.

So I took a few months off from work to try and sort things out. I refused to let this illness get the better of me and take hold of my life. I spent my days resting, researching chronic fatigue recovery and putting into practice some of my teachings. I joined some groups with people going through similar illnesses, but quite frankly just found them more depressing then uplifting me up so decided to continue the journey on my own.

That was when my entire recovery journey began. And I tried everything in my power to try and get better. A specialised health program, high fat diet, Graded Exercise Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, detox, meditation, vegetarian diet, eliminating Gluten and Dairy, fasting, juicing, Psychology, naturopathy, vegan diet and endless amounts of different supplements including glutamine, magnesium, b vitamins, ginseng, astragalus, fish oil, flax seed oil, maca powder, vitamin d, coq10, gama, acetyl l-carnitine, curcumin and medications such as anti-depressants, steroids and pain killers. Some of it has worked. Some worked for a little bit and the benefits have subsided. And the rest have just had no affect whatsoever or the adverse effects whereby making me feel worse.

The most success I have had so far is with the help of an Exercise Physiologist in learning to balance my energy levels and disperse energy effectively. After implementing meditation to break up the days, alternating between physical and cognitive tasks and building a graded exercise plan, there has definitely been some progress. Regular meditation and yoga has been particularly helpful.

The switch to a healthy, wholefood vegetarian diet has also seen a huge increase in energy levels. Starting the day with a green smoothie, a salad for lunch and a stir fry for dinner, as well as consistent meal breaks, I have found that my energy levels can remain relatively consistent. However if I eat dairy, gluten or too much sugar, that is when I can see the rough effects of fatigue, pain and stomach issues beginning to emerge.

And by far more then anything the most significant thing that has helped me get to this point is personal development. I have had to completely restructure my thinking, trying to divert my negative, depressed mind to think more positively. I have had to completely transform my weaknesses to become my strengths. Anything that was holding me back from succeeding with my recovering I have had to challenge myself and work through. And I have had to teach myself to be grateful for the simple things in life in lieu of the bigger things that I used to require to secure my happiness.

Its still difficult learning to grasp the fact that I am still not up to a normal capacity and am not my old self. I still have days where I am unable to get out of bed because I am just so fatigued. Some days I just can’t even talk to others because I am so cloudy and confused and the things I say will make me sound like a weirdo. And then there are days where I am just so depressed and stressed as I grieve my old life. But I am strong and these days will not last forever.

Its safe to say, the recovery process from Chronic Fatigue has been very much trial and error. In between all of this, I have attempted to work two jobs, one at an Insurance Company and currently with a bank, and while I have seen short term success, the long term outcome is still the same. I am still struggling with this illness but my future is looking brighter. Chronic fatigue was just the world’s way of rerouting my life purpose.

The reason why I share this story is not for sympathy for what I have been through or to gain greater respect. I share this because I want to raise awareness of  invisible illnesses such as Chronic Fatigue and other auto-immune diseases and teach people to understand that you don’t always have to look sick to be suffering. Not only that, but I want people to know that pushing through stress, illness and suffering is not the answer. It only makes things worse for you, your loved ones and anyone else that bares interest in your life and well being. And invisible illnesses do not discriminate. It can reap havoc on anyone’s life in a heartbeat.

Through this illness I have learned so much. But by far the most significant thing that I have learned is the importance of health.

Health is the most important thing in this world. If you have it the world is your oyster. The moment you lose sight of that, problems start to emerge and your life becomes a whirlwind of challenges, for the most part of which we have control over. And a healthy life constitutes a magnitude of happiness.

Now I am no Buddha or Gandhi, but my advice to you is simple. Look after yourself. Eat healthy, wholesome foods. Avoid stress and toxic relationships. Get out in nature. And practice gratitude for the even the smallest pleasures in life.

Your health and happiness define not only who you are but your life and how you live it.

So why not make it count!

teaghanlee xxx

 

Stop Stressing, Start Living!

Approximately 3 years ago, my life was changed forever.

After partying way too hard in between studying to become a Personal Trainer, working two jobs (JB HI FI and Platypus Shoes), training like a machine and pursuing endless amounts of women, I found my energy came to screaming halt. As a type A personality, I struggled to get through one day of work, found myself unable to communicate with people coherently and the simplest of tasks became a challenge. After pushing and pushing, my body finally cried for help.

At first, I had no idea what was going on with me and to be honest, thought I was losing my mind. So many horrible thoughts went through my mind. And endless doctors visits and research didn’t soothe my concerns either as they all came back with no answers.

After two years of being passed around from doctor to doctor and being told multiple times it was all in my head, I was finally given a diagnosis. The process of elimination revealed that I had an autoimmune disease called Fibromyalgia, but the main catalyst causing my body so much havoc was a condition known as Chronic Fatigue.

When people throw this name around, naturally you think it means just being really tired. Well let me tell you it is so much more then that! Categorised by aching muscles, a weakened immune system, debilitating fatigue, severe cognitive difficulties, depression, high stress and anxiety levels and horrible digestive issues, chronic fatigue or myalgic encephalomyelitis as it is more scientifically known, affects your entire body. Nervous system, immune system, endocrine system, musculoskeletal system, digestive system and cardiovascular system- no part of you is left unaffected.

So this sounds pretty frikon horrible right? Well it is. But to be completely honest it is also the best thing that has ever happened to me. As crazy as that sounds, despite sending my body into complete breakdown, putting my career on hold and causing severe stresses on my financial situations and relationships, chronic fatigue has taught me so much about myself and life.

In today’s society, we live in a world where everybody is pushed to their limits. We have all become workaholics, caught up in the toxicity of technology and social media, a money obsessed culture and ultimately, have become a socially inept, media driven society. We no longer engage in meaningful conversations because we are too busy working in a job that we hate to earn money to pay off our compulsive spending habits and pay off a mortgage for a house we will eventually grow old and die in. We come home and watch Netflix or the news to unwind. We focus on the monstrosities that are making the news and destroying our world like terrorism, shootings in America and Kim and Kanye’s new baby but ignore calling that relative we haven’t spoken to in years or the friend who has sent us countless facebook messages that we don’t have time to respond to.  And how is that making people feel? Stressed, bitter and lonely. So where is the part about living?

Well from my personal experience, I have learned a lot about living. And if you just take time the time to try them out, I assure you, your life will improve immensely and your happiness levels will soar.

  1. MEDITATE…I cannot emphasise this enough. In this busy, fast paced society it has become increasingly difficult to unwind and shut off. If we aren’t working on a computer screen then we are on our phones playing candy crush or Tindering. And you may think that is switching off, but trust me it is far from it. Meditation is one of the most powerful tools to allow your body and mind to relax. There are some good apps such as Smiling Mind which allow you to ease yourself into the process if you find it difficult. Start off with 5 minutes a day and you’ll find once you get the hang of it and see the benefits, such as greater clarity, reduced stress and better decision making, you will want to do it every day for at least 20 minutes or so! I highly recommend checking out Michael Sealey and Jason Stephenson on Youtube. Some of my personal faves!
  2. YOGA…If you have not tried yoga before, you most definitely need to get on the yoga bandwagon. Before you start making excuses you most definitely don’t have to be flexible for this one. You will become more flexible as you keep practicing, trust me. Yoga takes stretching to a whole new level and never ever has your body felt so good! Combined with controlled breathing exercises, it allows you to build muscle, increase blood flow, boost immunity and strengthens your bones and joints. Not only that but it regulates your adrenal glands and aids your nervous system, lowering cortisol levels to make you feel less stressed and happier. A good way to start is in the comfort of your own home and then slowly progress to classes as you feel more comfortable. Check out Yoga with Adriene and Yoga by Candance on Youtube. Daily Yoga is also a great app to check out.
  3. BREATHING EXERCISES…Controlled breathing is an absolute wonder for stress relief! Incorporated into both Tai Chi and Yoga, breathing is a great way to centre your nervous system and ground yourself. A great example of the power of breathing exercises is the Ice Man, Wim Hof who has taught himself to regulate his metabolism, heart rate and blood circulation to be able to withstand freezing temperatures. Similar to Yoga, controlled breathing allows you to become more conscious of and more connected to your mind and body whilst improving the efficiency of the respiratory, immune and cardiovascular systems. If you have a spare 5 minutes while commuting to work or on your lunch break, check it out to reap the benefits. I suggest checking out Wim Hof’s breathing techniques on Youtube or Pranayama breathing on Youtube or on the app store is also a great technique to try.
  4. TAI CHI…After reading a book on Tai Chi I am absolutely obsessed with not only the practice but it’s core principles and now try to incorporate it into my everyday routine. Tai Chi, derived from China is part of the Taoism philosophy and centres around the chi, which is our life force. We are all born with a pure chi, but toxicity from everyday life damages our life force reducing our energy levels and connection to our inner being. Through the art of moving meditation and slow, controlled movements, Tai Chi focuses on realigning our mind and body with our original source of energy. Its definitely worthwhile doing some research on but in the meantime try it out for yourself. There a plenty of guides on Youtube to help you with the exercises.

These may sound complicated, but trust me the consequences of not learning to manage your stress and balance your life is far worse. And once you are able to manage all of this, everything else falls into place. You are able to excel at work. Your goals become more aligned. And you have greater clarity on what you want in life. Not only that but your whole entire life becomes more productive and the quality of your life and positivity you experience is phenomenal! You attract the right people, the right vibes and of course you reap the rewards.

It is amazing what reduced stress levels can do!

Hit me up if you need any guidance.

teaghanlee x

 

How to Heal Yourself After a Break Up

So as most of you already know, breakups are a bitch.

Recently, and by recently I mean precisely a month ago, my ex made the fateful decision to end our relationship. After almost 3 years together, a relocation from Sydney to Melbourne and the adoption of two babies, the time had come for us to part ways after she admitted to me that she was no longer in love with me anymore.

When I first heard those words slip out of her mouth, I felt stupid. I knew from the beginning that we were two very different people but being my optimistic self I always envisioned that eventually we would align. But as fate would have it our relationship was just not strong enough to handle our differences as well as my struggle with chronic fatigue, it’s consequential financial woes and some family hardships along the way.

I admit, despite knowing this day would eventually come it has still been a frikon roller- coaster. I know it’s for the best and that this is the perfect opportunity to explore and find myself, but after becoming so accustomed to that one person and living for them it is bloody challenging to adjust to a life without them. This month has just been an up and down battle with grief, and that plus chronic fatigue has just wreaked havoc on my emotional stability.

In saying this, I decided I had two ways to deal with this. I could be a super depressed bitch feeling sorry for myself, reeling in pain, criticising myself for all the things I did to destroy the relationship and shutting off from the world entirely. Or I could instead take this as a chance to rediscover myself and heal. So a few days after the break up, I made a decision. This time, I will choose the latter option and become the best version of me possible. And this is my how to guide on how, so far, I am achieving that and by following, you can do the same.

  1. Do things that you enjoy for you and nobody else. This may sound kind of weird but along my journey of recovery I really came to enjoy doing things by myself. I loved going for long walks in nature, reading a good book and meditating. However I always felt like I couldn’t do these things with the freedom I wanted to do as I felt obligated to please the other person and do what they wanted to do. And it was these things that I knew would contribute to making me better. So now instead of feeling like I have to sit down and watch an unexciting movie or TV series or staying inside all day to make someone else happy I instead grab a good book, have a bath or get out exploring in nature. Even enjoying a nice tea in a cute cafe has become one of my favourite hobbies.
  2. Be grateful for what your relationship taught you. When we go through a breakup,  we can’t help but be clouded by the negatives. But instead try looking at the relationship in a different light. I truly believe that every relationship and every girl I have dated came into my life to teach me something. My first girlfriend taught me how to be more social and have a good sense of humour. My second girlfriend taught me how to be adventurous and enjoy life more. And my most recent girlfriend taught me how to be more appreciative, caring and calm. While they all ended, some amicably, some not, they all contributed to the person I am and love today. Whether we like it or not, everybody comes into our life for a reason. And whether it is our choice or their’s a point comes where their purpose in your life has been fulfilled and it is a time to move onto bigger and better things and make new meaningful magical relationships. No relationship is a failure or regret, just a life lesson so don’t dwell on the negatives.
  3. Open yourself up to new experiences. Truth be told, you probably didn’t do a lot of things in your relationship because you felt limited by another person. But now, you don’t have that concern any more. You are free! Take the time to explore your passions and more adventurous sides. Try that hot yoga class you have been wanting to do. Do that cooking class you’ve been eager to do. Hell, go out bungee jumping if you want to! Your world should be full of endless opportunities and nothing can stop you now. In my experience after being in relationship after relationship and always feeling like I have to be attached to someone, I am now able to find what I really enjoy physically, emotionally, mentally and well sexually. After all new experiences are the only way you are going to find yourself again after losing yourself in the relationship.
  4. Surround yourself with positivity. Naturally after a break up you become super negative. You criticise yourself and point out every little thing that is wrong with you, that is unless your ex hasn’t already done that for you. And some days, it can be really hard to lift yourself back up again. So immerse yourself in positive energy. Find happy, outgoing and optimistic people to hang out with, not Debbie Downers. Listen to plenty of uplifting podcasts (I recommend Tony Robbins or Actualized.org). Do meditation and yoga to make your body feel incredible. Exercise. Whether it be join a gym or just going for a walk, exercising releases endorphins which make you feel incredible. And it helps that you get a banging body to show off! And last but not least, make sure you eat a healthy diet with plenty of good foods. If you have a healthy mind, a healthy gut and are surrounded by happy people, nothing can kill your positive vibes!

So what are you waiting for? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The end of your relationship isn’t the end of the world but the beginning of a new exciting chapter! Get out there and learn to accept and love yourself for the incredible human that you are. Because you can’t love anybody until you learn to love yourself…again.