How to Heal Yourself After a Break Up

So as most of you already know, breakups are a bitch.

Recently, and by recently I mean precisely a month ago, my ex made the fateful decision to end our relationship. After almost 3 years together, a relocation from Sydney to Melbourne and the adoption of two babies, the time had come for us to part ways after she admitted to me that she was no longer in love with me anymore.

When I first heard those words slip out of her mouth, I felt stupid. I knew from the beginning that we were two very different people but being my optimistic self I always envisioned that eventually we would align. But as fate would have it our relationship was just not strong enough to handle our differences as well as my struggle with chronic fatigue, it’s consequential financial woes and some family hardships along the way.

I admit, despite knowing this day would eventually come it has still been a frikon roller- coaster. I know it’s for the best and that this is the perfect opportunity to explore and find myself, but after becoming so accustomed to that one person and living for them it is bloody challenging to adjust to a life without them. This month has just been an up and down battle with grief, and that plus chronic fatigue has just wreaked havoc on my emotional stability.

In saying this, I decided I had two ways to deal with this. I could be a super depressed bitch feeling sorry for myself, reeling in pain, criticising myself for all the things I did to destroy the relationship and shutting off from the world entirely. Or I could instead take this as a chance to rediscover myself and heal. So a few days after the break up, I made a decision. This time, I will choose the latter option and become the best version of me possible. And this is my how to guide on how, so far, I am achieving that and by following, you can do the same.

  1. Do things that you enjoy for you and nobody else. This may sound kind of weird but along my journey of recovery I really came to enjoy doing things by myself. I loved going for long walks in nature, reading a good book and meditating. However I always felt like I couldn’t do these things with the freedom I wanted to do as I felt obligated to please the other person and do what they wanted to do. And it was these things that I knew would contribute to making me better. So now instead of feeling like I have to sit down and watch an unexciting movie or TV series or staying inside all day to make someone else happy I instead grab a good book, have a bath or get out exploring in nature. Even enjoying a nice tea in a cute cafe has become one of my favourite hobbies.
  2. Be grateful for what your relationship taught you. When we go through a breakup,  we can’t help but be clouded by the negatives. But instead try looking at the relationship in a different light. I truly believe that every relationship and every girl I have dated came into my life to teach me something. My first girlfriend taught me how to be more social and have a good sense of humour. My second girlfriend taught me how to be adventurous and enjoy life more. And my most recent girlfriend taught me how to be more appreciative, caring and calm. While they all ended, some amicably, some not, they all contributed to the person I am and love today. Whether we like it or not, everybody comes into our life for a reason. And whether it is our choice or their’s a point comes where their purpose in your life has been fulfilled and it is a time to move onto bigger and better things and make new meaningful magical relationships. No relationship is a failure or regret, just a life lesson so don’t dwell on the negatives.
  3. Open yourself up to new experiences. Truth be told, you probably didn’t do a lot of things in your relationship because you felt limited by another person. But now, you don’t have that concern any more. You are free! Take the time to explore your passions and more adventurous sides. Try that hot yoga class you have been wanting to do. Do that cooking class you’ve been eager to do. Hell, go out bungee jumping if you want to! Your world should be full of endless opportunities and nothing can stop you now. In my experience after being in relationship after relationship and always feeling like I have to be attached to someone, I am now able to find what I really enjoy physically, emotionally, mentally and well sexually. After all new experiences are the only way you are going to find yourself again after losing yourself in the relationship.
  4. Surround yourself with positivity. Naturally after a break up you become super negative. You criticise yourself and point out every little thing that is wrong with you, that is unless your ex hasn’t already done that for you. And some days, it can be really hard to lift yourself back up again. So immerse yourself in positive energy. Find happy, outgoing and optimistic people to hang out with, not Debbie Downers. Listen to plenty of uplifting podcasts (I recommend Tony Robbins or Actualized.org). Do meditation and yoga to make your body feel incredible. Exercise. Whether it be join a gym or just going for a walk, exercising releases endorphins which make you feel incredible. And it helps that you get a banging body to show off! And last but not least, make sure you eat a healthy diet with plenty of good foods. If you have a healthy mind, a healthy gut and are surrounded by happy people, nothing can kill your positive vibes!

So what are you waiting for? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The end of your relationship isn’t the end of the world but the beginning of a new exciting chapter! Get out there and learn to accept and love yourself for the incredible human that you are. Because you can’t love anybody until you learn to love yourself…again.

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