I watched the greatest movie today. And not the typical kind of movie that you would watch and it make you emotional, but for this one it did. Despite it being a kid’s animation movie, the meaning behind it not only resonated deep within me, but tugged some heart strings deeply built into my being.
Now I don’t know if it was just because I was feeling so much today or if this movie did really cut into me deep, but somehow the affect it had over me was one I could not ignore. It made me think and made me feel more intensely then I had in a while. And brought many emotions to the surface.
The story, Ballerina, was about a little orphan girl who dreamed of being a famous ballet dancer in Paris and despite her difficult upbringing and unfortunate situation, she believed beyond reasonable doubt that she could achieve it. She put it out to the Universe and somehow, with the help of the law of attraction, hard work and a little optimism, she ended up conquering all odds to fulfil her dreams and become the star of the famous Nutcracker ballet.
Yes this may sound a little crazy that I could see so much meaning behind a silly little kid’s movie, but the experiences I have had in my life thus far have allowed me to not only be more inquisitive but more receptive to the world around me. That, and the fact that I am slightly weird and left of centre. Instead of being oblivious to what is happening around me, I am much more conscious and aware not only of what is happening in nature, the universe and the world, but how people are acting, their emotions and even my own emotions. And I feel so much more as a result.
Something about this movie, just got me thinking, not only about how I have used determination, hard work and the power of the universe in my recovery process and becoming the person I love today, but how internally and externally connected I am as a result of this. In growing as a person and healing my mind and body, my understanding of the journey of life and the world has been amplified ten fold. Never before have I felt so enlightened and aware of the occurrences and lessons of the Universe. And this by far, over anything, has been the most beautiful gift that I have been given.
Sure it would have been nice to have not suffered this pain, exhaustion and loss of self to get to this point, but when we want something bad enough, whether it be consciously or unconsciously our mind has away of leading us to it. Little did I know that while I was dealing with this arduous and exhausting illness I was actually subconsciously leading myself to what I truly wanted in life- a life of incredible self-love, happiness and abundance. It’s strange how these things happen right before your eyes, but you don’t realise until the process has well and truly began, until you stop and reflect on what has been.
It was like this with my life before my previous relationship ended. At the time everything was incredible. I felt happy and in love with life. But after the break-up happened and I took the time out to look back on what had been, I began to see things with greater clarity then before. I realised that I had been living my life and ignoring my own needs to fulfil those of the girl I loved immensely. I realised that I was sabotaging my own recovery, overwhelming my body with medications and treatments to try and make myself better when what I really needed was to slow down, simplify everything and stop overloading my body. I realised that I couldn’t accept the fact that I was unwell because I feared that my ex-girlfriend would no longer love me and want to leave me. I realised that all of this time I hid who I truly was, exhausting myself with medications and disguises because I didn’t want to admit that I was unwell and lose myself or purpose for life. But the biggest lesson to come out of all of this was that I could have prevented all of this worry, heartache and perhaps even the end of my relationship if I had just accepted I was sick, listened to my body’s cry for time out and relieved myself from all pressure and stress. But I didn’t.
Instead I pushed through it all and after multiple burnouts, a break up, loss of self and some other hard knocks, the lessons from all of these experiences were finally realised at the end of 2016. I will admit sometimes I kick myself for the fact that I realised these too late. But I an a firm believer that everything happens for a reason- in fact it is my favourite quote. And as much as I wish sometimes things played out differently, all of these events happened to transform me and to set my on my purposeful path in life. Despite the hurt and heartache, particularly toward the end of 2016, I knew that I was better off alone to deal with this recovery then having the guilt or putting the burden on someone else, a partner. I knew that the only way I am going to rediscover myself after this life-changing illness and transformation was by spending time indulging in ridiculous amounts of self love and nurturing. I knew that to find out what I wanted in life once again was to first of all find myself. And that is precisely what I did.
I ignored the urge to meet people, to pursue romantic relationships. Maybe not at first, but after a few months or so. Of course it is a human need to want to find companionship, but I knew that I could not devote my energy to somebody else when what I really needed in the long run was to devote my energy to getting 100% recovered from CFS. And only then would it be the right time to put myself out there and find the right person. Only then could I allow myself to attract my soulmate into my life.
While recovering from CFS has always been at the forefront of my mind, particularly being my number 1 focus for 2017 and romance has not, I guess the Universe can sometimes work it’s magic when you least expect it. In the process of recovering and working on building my business I have found myself being more observant of this universal magic and just watched in amazement how everything slowly falls into place when you just follow the natural course your life is leading you down. At this most humble and conscious point in my life I have bared witness to nature communicating with me on a spiritual level, randomly meeting people who I have eerily similar commonalities with or connections with and with minimal effort have found the puzzle of life slowly piecing itself together in coincidental and perfect ways. It is almost like the past 28 years of my life I have been working on this puzzle, trying to figure out how it all fits together and now after all this time, the puzzle pieces connect seamlessly. One after the other things are falling strategically into place – connecting with beautiful, loving and positive people, slowly building my dream career in my own multi-faceted business and recovering from this illness with greater progress then ever before- and these components are all interconnecting in the most wonderful of ways.
Of course there are still days when I question things and feel as though maybe I am misinterpreting these workings. But on most days and in the grander scheme of things, the world is beautifully piecing everything together for me and all the positive vibes and intentions I am putting out there are coming back to create greatness in my life. The law of attraction is unintentionally working incredible wonders. And oh how I am loving this process.
6 months ago there is no way I would have believed you when you said I would end up here. Single, without a traditional job and confidently and independently working on my dreams. But all I can say is thank goodness I am here. I may not have been actively seeking but I have found some amazing gifts in this world that have been drawn to me- a job where I can work for myself and travel while I do it, a wonderful bunch of friends, a greater love and zest for life, an amazing, beautiful Canadian girl who I cannot stop thinking about (and at the very least I have as a great friend) and a happiness beyond any imaginable feeling.
So thank you to the tests of life for putting me on the right track. Thank you jigsaw puzzle for assembling yourself just when I thought it was a 100,000 piece puzzle that would never be solved. Thank you universe for accepting all of my dedication and positive energy and gifting me with this magical, wonderful life.
The Universe really does give back what you put in, multiplied.
So work through the hard times, but keep putting good energy out to the world. Because your determination, hard work and passion will come back to you in a way that is so beautiful, so powerful, it will make every hardship worth it.
And slowly, your jigsaw puzzle will start to fall into place.
Peace and love