The one thing that I see every day is unhappy, miserable people. Despite my Facebook and Instagram pages filling up with positivity from the wonderful entrepreneurs, travellers and people that grace my newsfeed, I still find the outside world full of individuals who are hating on life, just simply existing rather then living.
One person that springs to mind in particular was a lady that served me in Woolworths the other day. A shortish, middle aged woman stood idly behind her checkout and despite my smile and ‘how are you today’ greeting all I got in response was a grunt. As she packed my goods in a bag and processed my payment, I kindly thanked her and wished her a good day, and of course, not to my surprise she looked down and grunted once again. No thank you, you have a nice day. There were no good manners or courteous exchanges of the sort.
As I walked back to the car, this really got me thinking what in life had caused this woman to be so unfriendly and impolite? Maybe her husband at cheated on her and left her to raise 3 kids alone? Maybe one of her parents had died young and she struggled to live without them? Maybe she just plain hated her job and wanted to be spending time with her grand kids or holidaying in the Caribbean instead? Whatever it was, this lady acted as though the whole world was against her.
Unfortunately this is not a rarity. This woman was one of many people who I see on a daily basis who seem like victims to their own life, one in which they have sacrificed their dreams and happiness to end up in this monotonous, miserable day-to-day existence.
The sad thing is nobody else is to blame but them. Yes, I know this sounds harsh but it is us that chooses how we think and what we think is reflected back to us in the form of actions and experiences within our lives. Now these thoughts may not have been purposely embedded in our brain, they may have derived from beliefs that were drilled into us when we were younger, but they are still OUR thoughts and we must take responsibility of them if we want to change what we give out and get back in life. If we give out unfriendliness and impoliteness, it is highly likely we will get others acting the same in return and attract negative experiences into our life. On the other hand if we give out love and compassion then you can bet that we will attract loving relationships and great opportunities in return.
What I am talking about here is more then this though, so many people I see on a daily basis are not only failing to take responsibility for their thoughts, they are also failing to claim responsibility for their entire life. They work in their current position because the company they work for won’t promote them. They can’t find a job because their are no jobs out there or nobody will hire them. They can’t get good grades because the teacher is to harsh. They can’t leave their job because their husband won’t let them or they can’t afford it. However this victim mentality is just making them fall deeper into the black hole of misery.
We are born into the world as one person, one individual with our own thoughts, personality and beliefs, so why do we let external factors dictate our lives and turn it into something that we have minimal control over. The answer comes down to this- lack of self love.
As we grow from an innocent child into an adult we are influenced by our parents, teachers, friends, neighbours or even in the media who foster beliefs in us that we carry throughout our lives. Some of these beliefs are positive and make us into great people, but others can be negative and self-limiting, degrading our level of self-love and self-worth and it is these beliefs that prevent us from being the extroverted, valuable and full-of-potential person we were all born to be.
Now I am not blaming the people that inflicted these limiting beliefs into our lives, not at all. They were unaware of the power their thoughts and beliefs were having over you at the time, however in order to overcome these and be the person you want to be, live the life you want to live then you need to become aware, take responsibility for your thoughts and change them. The first step to change starts with you.
Of course, change doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time and it is a process. If you can work hard at school, university or in your job, surely you can work hard at the most important thing and centre of all of that: you. The most significant investment you will ever make in your life is in you, but you need to make that decision to start. Nobody can tell you you need to change, nobody can force you to change, you need to be the catalyst for your own migration to your higher self. Once you have conquered your negative thoughts and limiting beliefs, the world becomes your oyster and you become the greatest version of you imaginable, projecting greatness and receiving greatness back into your life.
How do you do it? Well what it entails is the following:
- Figuring out the root cause of your negative thoughts and limiting beliefs
- Providing yourself with a ridiculous amount of self-love to combat these
- Daily, repeated positive affirmations.
FIND THE ROOT CAUSE OF YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS
Firstly you must identify where your problems came from. Reflect back to your childhood, as this is usually when these beliefs take their hold on us. I recommend writing in a table, with three headings Belief, Problem and Cause. Then ask yourself for each belief, what is the problem it has caused and the root cause of it, eg. What is the belief- I am not good enough, Problem- I can’t hold down a relationship, Where did this come from- Bullying at school, abandonment, heartbreak. This may take some time and may be a little emotional, but as you work through them you will come to make more sense of your mind and thoughts to be able to change them through self love and affirmations.
LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF
Secondly we must pour immense amounts of self love into ourselves in order to conquer these self-limiting beliefs. Self love is a difficult concept to grasp but if we are going to have any chance of living the life of our dreams and finding our soul mate, then loving yourself is a crucial step. For me, I had to learn to love myself the hard way after becoming ill with Chronic Fatigue but for you I feel this will be a much more self-willing process. Self-love is about treating yourself as if you were a baby, treating your mind and body with all the delicacy and care it deserves.
Some ways include:
- Doing things you love
- Surrounding yourself with uplifting people
- Eating healthy foods
- Practicing mindfulness
Trying to avoid practices like comparing yourself to others, criticising yourself and negative thoughts will also make a huge difference, and while these things may take time, you will find your love for yourself increase profusely when you let them go. Try and make a daily practice of self love, as the more we practice loving ourselves daily, the greater overall love we will end up accumulating.
PRACTICE DAILY AFFIRMATIONS
A great way to re-frame your negative thoughts and retrain your mind to think more positively is through the practice of repeated daily affirmations. Every day for 10-15 minutes sit yourself in front of a mirror and repeat 5-10 positive affirmations that link in with your personal values and that reflect parts of your life that you need to work on. Personally, based on my goals to recover from Chronic Fatigue and build a successful business, my affirmations are centered around these core ambitions. I have listed some great resources for positive affirmations below for you to practice:
Wherever you are in this world, you truly deserve to be living the life to the full. With the help of this 3 tier process- uncovering limiting beliefs, loving yourself and positive affirmations- I have no doubt that you will be able to unlock your full potential and get to achieving those goals you have set out in your life. All you need to do is take responsibility for your life and choose to take this first step.
Stay tuned, there will be many more resources on how to transform your life coming soon!
Peace and love
-the Soulful Wanderer