Sinking Into The Ocean Bed

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Is this what rock bottom feels like? When you have fallen so far you have reached the bottom of the ocean. There is nothing left in you and you are finding it hard to breathe. So you just sit at the ocean’s bed waiting for it to take you to that other place.

Right now, I’m listening to the same song on repeat. I may not be literally sitting at the bottom of the ocean, but the ocean is flowing out of me. The tears keep coming and just will not stop. The song is telling me to rise up but I just can’t help feeling like I just keep falling.

I feel like there is just no point in me being here any more. Why keep breathing when you feel like you don’t belong here? Everyone keeps telling me I have so many great things in my life, that there are people doing worse than me. I keep telling myself to stop feeling so sorry for myself. But I can’t numb this pain. I can’t stop these tears from flowing.

I had such a beautiful week last week visiting my family and friends, you would think I would be on such a high, exuding happiness. The truth is though I am now dealing with the aftermath of exhausting too much energy and drinking alcohol. And as I’m already well aware CFS and Depression are the worst possible combination, and adding alcohol to the mix doesn’t help.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if somebody had a magic wand that could make this physical and mental pain go away. That would be a perfect world. This is my reality right now though and I need to accept that.

10 years of medication and I expected it to be smooth sailing now that I am off them. But this is harder than I ever comprehended. I feel like I have a week of good days and then a week where I am just an absolute mess and falling apart. I feel like I am losing my mind entirely.

I’m trying to be kind to myself, trying to understand that my body is just re-balancing. After 10 years having my serotonin regulated by medication, it is going to take time to adjust and start producing its own. I can’t help but feel like maybe this wasn’t a good time to do so. Trying to manage recovery from Chronic Fatigue and dealing with the severe depression, anxiety and mood swings is just all becoming too much.

Today, I felt like dying. I wanted the car to veer off the road and hit me on my morning walk. I wanted to take that whole pack of panadol that lie in front of me. I wanted to jump from the balcony that stood outside my window. I wanted to die, and I didn’t think anyone would care. The darkness had encapsulated me, the voices telling me how worthless I was and how I would never amount to anything.

But I am still here. I am writing this with a beating heart and oxygen still in my veins. Because as much as I don’t want to be in this world anymore, what would hurt me more would be seeing my family and friends suffer. I’m just so tired of fighting this fight, of constantly retraining my thoughts and trying to transform them into positive but giving up is the easy way out.

I’ve run from things all my life- opportunities, jobs, people, myself. And look where that got me- right back where I started. Everything was taken away from me so I was faced with the rawness of life. But in this I also found out what is important in it- love for yourself, others and the simple things. Even if on days like today I find it hard to appreciate those things.

I don’t want to keep spinning on this merry-go-round. I just want things to be back to the way they were before. My biggest fear is that I will never find my feet again and that I will be forever trapped in this web of darkness. I’m not this person- this sad, disheveled mess with no zest for life and lost ability to communicate with those I love. I am happy, positive, outgoing and passionate about life. I want that girl back.

She was here last week, even despite the background presence of those voices. But now those negative voices have taken over and I feel consumed with sadness and grief. I have no joy for the things I usually did. I cannot face people or smile or laugh like I usually do. Despite that, I managed to still go for my walk today. Considering I could have stayed in bed all day, I was pretty proud of that achievement.

I keep telling myself things will get better. The optimistic voice in me keeps trying to sneak in and dominate the overbearing negative self talk. My body is finding its balance, its new normal. Be patient, be kind the best you can. It is taking all my strength to fight this battle, these two battles. It certainly is challenging when your physical and mental health are out of alignment. It is like a set of scales that no matter what you put on each end, they just don’t balance.

I’m just trying to take it day by day. Days like today when it hurts to be in my head, like I need to escape it, I just want to write off. But these days, the greatest learning of all occurs. On these days, I am lead right back here to write about it and through my words, find the little lessons. That’s what life is about right?

I may be at breaking point and wanting to run away from everything- the support of my family, my friends, the place I live, Uni but what will that ever achieve. If I keep running, I’ll just keep using up all my energy. And right now, energy conservation is what matters most as my body and mind are fighting for stability, balance and most importantly, my life.

Once again words and music have saved me and I can breathe again. I am slowly rising from the ocean’s depths, my oxygen tank full of love and hope. I got through today, and that was a victory but I have no doubts there will be more days like this. Hopefully, they will be less painful and emotional.

I will rise up with all that I have. And move mountains.

Depression will never win.

– the Soulful Wanderer

 

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The Art of Acceptance

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So I know I said previously that I refused to give up, but truth is, the time has come.

I’m so exhausted of trying to fight for my health. I’m so tired of having to think about every little bit of energy expenditure. I’m fed up with having to strategise my whole life. I am just done with trying to keep up with others or the life I once had. I am done with trying to be so positive and optimistic all the time. I’m just done. I can’t be at war with myself anymore.

My adrenal glands, that I thought were well healed are now back to burnout stage. I’ve been trying everything to heal them and restore my energy but perhaps in my efforts to do so, I have just worsened the situation. I feel like I just don’t know how to help myself anymore.

The past five days all I have done is cry. I cry as I mourn the person I was four years ago before my world came crashing down. I cry for the life I want but can’t have. I cry because I feel lonely and helpless. I cry because I fear for my future. I try not to because I know there are people suffering worse than I am. But in these moments my tears feel justified.

Being 29, having a debilitating illness, no secure job and still living with my mum was not exactly the picturesque plan I had for my life. I had hoped to be living in my own place, perhaps with a partner and running my own business in between travelling the world. But I guess life doesn’t always go according to plan.

My Doctor told me yesterday I have to start accepting what is. Just when I thought I was on the road to recovery, it seems CFS has come back or just worsened. I told her I was frustrated, fed up, tired of fighting. Her response- stop fighting. Stop trying to be so ambitious in your recovery. Your mind and body is at it’s limits and it needs you to love and nourish it. You need to accept that this is your normal for now.

My heart broke in that moment. I’d been denying for so long that things had worsened, just thinking that it was perhaps just the effects post anti-depressants. On the bad days, which seemed to be happening more regularly I would tell myself to stop being so lazy thinking I was just in fact unmotivated. To a degree, I think the chemical changes in my brain have impacted the status quo but they are not entirely responsible. My body needs more TLC.

I know that this starts with me learning to be less critical of myself and lowering my expectations. I have always been someone to set the bar high and if I wasn’t achieving at that level, well than it just wasn’t good enough. But it is this mentality that got me sick in the first place. My expectations need to change although it is challenging when such high expectations are ingrained in your personality.

Well I guess with acceptance, these changes will come. So here it is- I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and it has worsened. It seems I have more lessons to learn. This is not forever. Just for now until I make some changes and love myself more and my mind and body follow. Things are going to have to slow down for a little bit while I go back to the beginning of everything. Back to the basics and simplicity.

I accept that some days will be horrible and symptoms will be in the full form- debilitating fatigue keeping me housebound, severe brain fog preventing socialising and depression. On these days, having a shower and eating breakfast is a huge achievement. I accept that some days will be mediocre and I’ll be able to go for my walk, socialise with ease and do normal daily tasks with ease. I accept that some days will be great and I will feel ‘normal’ again but I cannot be fooled by these days. If I do too much on these days I know that I end up back on the horrible day again.

I know that I need to just take one day at a time and stop worrying about things or criticising myself for not being there. My life is different to others so I cannot compare to what they have. I need to reverse the picture- how would these people that have so much feel if everything was taken away from them. Their health, their job, their finances, some of their relationships. I’m sure things would be different then. I guess we cannot compare ourselves to others when we are all experiencing different things in life.

This whole experience has made me realise the insignificance of material things. To have your body turn on you makes you realise that in the grand scheme of things, stuff just doesn’t matter. It is the simple things that hold meaning- the flowers and trees, sunshine, the ocean, love from family and friends and most importantly, love and kindness for yourself. In addition to health, these are the most valuable assets in life.

I used to want the top job, the wealth, the superficial relationships, the latest fashions. These are the things I strived for. Then when Chronic Fatigue came along all of that faded. These days, I strive for inner peace and a deeper level of happiness. I stop to smell the flowers. I sit by the ocean for hours just listening to the waves and feeling the sand beneath my feet. I transcend to somewhere deep in the Universe when I meditate. I aspire for a life far from the mayhem of the city where I can live in the quiet of nature and the peace of the ocean.

So yes, my life has changed far beyond what I ever thought possible. While I am entirely grateful for the lessons and experiences CFS has brought me, I did think that my active fight for recovery would bring it closer. However the recent backward leap has proved this untrue. So I have made a vow to myself- I will stop fighting so hard and just take it day by day. Acceptance, as it seems, is the answer.

I have to let this illness take it’s full course as clearly it is here to make some changes to my life and has some unfinished business. I have realised that no amount of treatment will speed up or intervention by me will change this. My body needs to heal in its own time. The least I can do is accept what is happening so that I can take action to support it to the best of my ability. How do I do this? The answer is simple- rest, relax and restore. Rest my body when it needs it, relax my mind and nourish it with positive thoughts, use restorative exercise. These things plus self love will be crucial in progressing forward.

Thank you Universe for blessing me with this gift and the lessons. I will stop fighting it now and accept what is. From this point forth, I will accept who I am now. And with that weight lifted, finally I will be free.

Sending love to all my fellow invisible illness warriors ❤

– the Soulful Wanderer.

 

 

 

Why I Will Never Give Up

 

amanda+joaquim (29)After the past three days, I honestly don’t know how I have gotten through. This has quite possibly been the worst crash in a while. All catalyzed by me trying to be somebody who I am not. Or more specifically, no longer am. I was me trying to be the old me.

Sometimes I just want to be normal. I think I am. But truth is the way I live my life is a lot different from others. And at times that can be challenging to accept. I know it won’t be like this forever, but for now it has to be. That old me is a figment of my imagination.

For the past 6 months or so, I have been having treatment in the form of Chinese Medicine for Chronic Fatigue. Like everything I try, it seems to work great at first. But then after a while it’s like my body protests and tells it to just fuck off. As you can imagine, this is very frustrating.

In fact this whole illness can be frustrating. You think you are making great progress and then bam, you have a huge setback. It is forever two steps forward and one step back. Some days it will feel like there is nothing wrong with you and you feel on top of the world. But other times, like the past few days it actually feels like a steam train has come and run you over.

The alarm clock goes off but you cannot move from your bed. You can barely eat. Conversations are a struggle. Showering is a struggle. You cannot do any form of work or uni work. The very thought of doing anything exhausts you. No this is not laziness. Nobody chooses this life. This is CFS on the worst days. You just cannot deal with your life.

If I am being completely honest, it has taken every part of me to get through the past few days. It’s like this spiral effect. I feel incredibly fatigued, which makes me feel depressed and anxious about my life and my future. Will I ever be able to work a full time job and have a proper career? Will I ever be able to date again? Will I ever get my complete independence back? Will I ever be the energetic, clear-thinking me ever again?

But then I remind myself- the future for all of us is uncertain. None of us know what is in store. And if I just keep thinking about what is going to happen tomorrow, I will never enjoy today. I will never be able to use the present effectively to maximize my recovery. I will be forever living for tomorrow instead of making progress today.

There are people out there that have things so much worse than me. People dying of cancer or with family members who have or are dying from cancer. People with worse cases of ME CFS. People going through extreme poverty or famine. So I feel guilty when I just feel so depressed. I am grateful for the life I have and yes it could be much worse. But on the bad days, you can’t help but feel sorry for yourself. And feel like your life is unfair.

The difference is, while I grieve for a little at times, I will NEVER let myself live in this state forever. I am focused on working towards things that help others because I believe that when we have purpose and give back, our lives have more meaning. It can just be disappointing at times when you work so hard on yourself and your health and it all just gets thrown back in your face.

The worst part for me is letting others down. I make commitments that when I am feeling energetic, I can quite easily fulfill. Although, when I have these bad days, I realise that I have over-committed.  I have a bad habit of doing this. I guess you could just say that I am optimistic and every time I feel good, I think that I am on the mend. CFS can be horribly cruel though and torture you like that. You think it is teasing you with the feeling of being recovered, but it is just the cycle of boom and bust. That roller-coaster ride.

So I’ve had my three days of being bed-ridden, binge watching Netflix, surviving on Vegemite on toast and barely being able to move. I’ve cried to my Mum multiple times at how unfair life is, vented to my friends who kindly listen and essentially shut myself off from the rest of the world. So where do I go now?

The way I see it, I always have a choice. I have a choice to keep going on like this, getting in this cycle of camping out in my bed and feeling sorry for myself, letting life pass me by. Or I can do something about it. I can make the decision to, no matter what, make tomorrow a better day. Even if it is just getting out of bed. Even just sitting in the sun. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I may have gone backwards and may have to strip things back to basics once again. And on top of that, I may have made some unfortunate realisations this week that tugged my heart strings. But everything is going to be okay. I will be okay and I will continue to get better.

There is no time for sadness or expending my energy on things that don’t contribute to my recovery. No distractions. No dating. Right now, it’s all about me. I need to be selfish. Right now is about becoming the healthiest, happiest version of me. I have had a taste and now I want more. I deserve more. I’m made for more.

This happened to test my strength, to help me grow. So I am going to grow. I am going to use all my strength. I am going to beat this. I will never give up!

Sometimes all it takes is some good music, a good cry and writing to make you see things in perspective. I’m glad I can see things clearly now and know the path set out for me, even when brain fog tries to cloud it.

I know there are still things I need to work on. I’ll get there. Life is a journey of self-work and personal development. But hopefully taking more time for me will help with that. It has already been a year, surely another year or two can’t hurt.

If along the way I find someone who appreciates me for me and the journey I am going on then great. But I am not actively going to pursue dating because I know right now, I can’t give myself 100% to someone when I am working so hard on myself. Friendships are adequate for now.

So back I go on this journey to recovery despite the little hump in the road. I will tap into every piece of strength and love I have within me. Because I know I will recover. If I know anything in this world it is that!

Even if I have to leave uni until next year, leave all my commitments behind and just spend my days building myself back up. If that is what has to happen, then so be it. But I will never be a victim, always a fighter, fighting for her life back.

I will never give up.

And neither should you.

– the Soulful Wanderer

 

The Meaning of Life

So yesterday I received some sad news. News that I knew had been coming for a while, but I guess was just not ready to face. My Pop, who has been quite ill for many years is approaching the end of his days. In fact, there are only a matter of hours of his life left, according to Doctors.

 

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I know I wasn’t that close to him. He was always a very strong, stubborn kind of man who was difficult to crack. But at the end of the day he is still my witty, brave pop, George and I will care for him deeply up until his very last breath.

I feel somewhat guilty feeling emotional. I had let the relationship drift with my Nan and Pop after the separation of my parents many years ago. I guess in some ways I had felt torn and that they wouldn’t except me as a young, gay woman. Now I realise I should have been the bigger person and reached out more.

In the past few years, I have truly realised the value of family. The moments when I could barely move from my bed or cook myself food or the days when the tears would just stream from my face like waterfalls, my family were there for me. In some ways, I think Chronic Fatigue and Depression were inflicted upon me to make me see just how important family really are.

Yes in hindsight, I wish this had happened sooner but I guess previously I was just too caught up in my own self-centered behaviour. The things that have happened to me have made me a more humble, grateful human being and for that I am eternally thankful. It has made me see clarity and the meaning of life and those in it.

Life is teeming with lessons. Little nuggets of gold that make us understand our reason for existence, shape who we are and provide us with direction for our future. In hearing of George’s final stages, I know that this one is to teach me the value of life and living it to the full.

George in his 80 years of life, I know has achieved great things. Living in the beautiful country side, raising 3 children, being married to my beautiful Nan for many years and having lifelong friendships. At the end of your days, I guess it is these things that matter. How much money you have in the bank, how much you excelled in your career or the little things like what brands you wore or how much you worked out, they just become redundant.

I do truly hope that as George lays there, waiting for the Universe to come and capture his soul, that he revels in happiness at the life he has lived. For a life with regret on your deathbed is possibly one of the saddest things. In fact, it is my worst fear.

As an activist for life, I truly believe in making every day count. Spreading love and kindness, embracing the little things and not sweating the small stuff. Personally, I have no time to worry about what other people think or impressing others when there is so much life to be lived and happiness to spread. You learn to see things from a different perspective when you have faced a debilitating illness or seen those around you suffer and approach death. These things, they change you.

While George’s strength and resilience have been nothing short of amazing, having conquered several bypass surgeries, cancer and various other health issues, I hope he knows that despite our lack of closeness he still had a huge impact on my life. His strength inspired me to stay strong through my illness and push through the dark days and like him, use humour to lighten the difficulties we face in life.

As the tears well up, I know I must be strong because those closer to him are suffering more. My Aunties, My Nan and my brothers, sisters and cousins, but most importantly my Dad who does not like to reveal his emotions openly. It is for these people that I need to be a rock and pillar of support.

In the midst of my tearful preparation to say goodbye, as I tend to do, I want to convey this message- live your life the way you want. Don’t live for others or try and conform to the stereotypes of how life should be lived. Just make it your own and follow your own path. Get married at 40 or don’t get married at all. Travel the world instead of having kids. Be a nomad rather than buying a house and living your life to pay off a mortgage. Quit your job to volunteer in Africa. There is no ‘set’ criteria for living your life so do whatever the bloody hell you want. Life is too short to live on someone else’s or society’s terms.

George, thank you for all the fond memories you gave me. The nights playing cards over the dining table, watching golf much to my despair and lightening the mood with your dry sense of humour. I will cherish these forever. I hope that when your time comes to pass on to the next world, it is peaceful and enlightening.

There will all be a day when we experience the same fate, so please I hope you make sure that every day, every moment counts. Life is too beautiful of a gift to not ensure that.

Sending love to all of those who need it right now

-the Soulful Wanderer

The Unknown

Chapter

 

I  hate this, I really hate this sometimes.

Honestly, I have been working so hard to get myself back to a balanced life. Eating healthy, doing yoga and working out at the gym, practicing gratitude and positive affirmations, meditating and reading books and listening to audiobooks on self-development, as well as giving myself a whole heap of self-love, so why is it that I feel so horrible today?

All I want right now is a life of normality. To wake up and jump out of bed full of energy, go out and hustle working on my business and just smash through university getting the best results I can. I want to go out a socialise, making a whole heap of friends and hang out with them regularly like other people too. I want to train like a beast at the gym working towards my six pack and get super fit again so that I can compete in marathons and cycle. Is it so much to ask for my body to cooperate with me to help me achieve these desires?

Days like today though I feel as though normality is never going to happen for me. I know it will but it just seems so far in the future. I am trying to be present and just embrace the moment but it can be difficult when you feel as though you are going to be stuck in this state of fatigue, cloudiness and depression forever.

Yesterday I felt so horrible that after picking Eve up from school, I literally walked into the Doctor and almost collapsed. After crying most of the day I was just at breaking point and could not take this anymore. I try not to play the victim, but what is happening in my body is certainly making me feel like one. I feel a though I have lost all control.

The Doctor seemed to think that in addition to this being a setback, things had been amplified by some stomach issues. As he provided me with a diagnosis, a small part of me started to think that perhaps this was the issue all along and that in fixing this, the fatigue, cloudiness and depression would become obsolete. However, today has proved otherwise.

Trust me, I am not usually this negative and I apologise to those people reading and my own mind for being this way. I’m usually quite capable of lifting myself back up. Today is just being extra challenging.

Usually, when I feel this way and I cannot lift my spirits, my mum is the one who is there and always has been to support me. It’s times like this I realise how much I depended on her to help me get through these rough times and not having her here is proving incredibly difficult. I miss her and her positive energy beyond words.

She is not here though and I do not want to bother her nor anyone with my concerns or emotions so instead I turn to a full block of chocolate and Mad Men to try and make me feel better. What I really would like is someone to just make it all go away, but I know that is not possible much to my demise.

I just still don’t understand why this continues to endure so much pain and suffering upon me. Surely I have been through enough already and learned the lessons it was sent to teach me so why cannot it just leave me alone? I’m trying so hard to be strong but I feel like I am just going to crumble.

It hurts to look on Facebook and Instagram, everyone living this fabulous life travelling the world and accomplishing all their goals. Meanwhile, I am just here watching Netflix in bed and barely able to walk 15 minutes to the shops to get a chai latte. I want to be happy for others, and I am, but it is so hard to just watch the world keep spinning while you are stuck, not going anywhere.

I try to reframe my negative thoughts, as I usually do with such grace and ease. ‘You are going to be like this forever’- No you are not Teaghan, this is just today and it will pass. ‘You will never be able to achieve your goals’- Yes you will Teaghan, just get through this setback and you will come out the other side better for it. ‘You will never find happiness’- Yes you will because you are a wonderful person and worthy of so much.

Usually I can make these new thoughts stick, believing them with my whole heart and mine. Today, they are being a bit stubborn when it comes to sinking in, almost like I am forcing myself to believe them and their truth. I guess that’s what happens when you are feeling down and critical on yourself.

I know that I got myself to this point. I forced myself to overdo it by living this type-A overachiever lifestyle, an implication of living in today’s current fast-paced culture, but surely the blame and self criticism needs to stop. It is what it is, I am aware of why I got to where I am now I need to focus on indulging myself in all of the love in the world to get me to the place of complete recovery, a place I know I am well on the way to achieving despite today.

Anxiety and depression over my inability to achieve what I want to today, the fact that my body is in a state of protest and my dull thoughts are all things happening now, but not forever. I may not be able to go to Uni nor wander far from bed today, on account of this setback and issues with new supplements but things will get better. Tomorrow is a new day.

So what can I do today to make myself feel better? Well besides divulging a whole block of dark chocolate and laying on my bum all day, I may treat myself to a nice bath, enjoy a nice healthy dinner (tofu stir fry) and just focus on restoring my energy before tomorrow.

One thing I do need to learn though is to stop criticizing myself on days like today. I am human, my body is healing and I need to love it, not be angry or frustrated at it. This setback is telling me that I need to make some changes and that I am overdoing it in some respect so I need to tone it down a bit. This one I believe was caused by alcohol (from mardi gras), changing some supplements, some emotional moments and of course doing too much as a result of these supplements. One thing I have realised and mum keeps reiterating this too is that I need to keep things simple. Too much medication, supplements and complication overwhelms my body and disconnects me from the universal force, from being grounded. I need to take it back to basics.

Every time I try new things my body hates it. It becomes overly sensitive, cloudy and difficult and rejects whatever I am doing. Then I get frustrated because I don’t understand what is going on, what is happening inside me, and I get angry at myself for making changes. This just becomes a vicious cycle.

What I need to learn is accept setbacks, not to try and fight them with supplements, etc to get through. I am going to have them so just understand that it is an opportunity to rest and restore, not push harder. That is what got me sick in the first place. I guess the good thing is that they are becoming less regular but they are also becoming more intense. I feel like CFS is a this condition that starts off really bad, then has up and downs in between and like most things ends with a bang. Well I hope this is the case anyway because right now it feels like how I felt in the beginning, when my whole world was falling apart. Only difference is, now I am doing it alone.

I know this is making me the best version of me and putting me on the right path, it is just hard to see sometimes. I try and think of people who are doing a lot worse then me, because I know there are many people out there. I guess sometimes I can’t help getting absorbed in my own crap but I am trying hard to see the bigger picture. Things will be okay.

Instead of being anxious about what could happen or what lies ahead I will just choose to make today as great as I can, despite what has been happening. I choose my thoughts and my thoughts become my reality so I need to make them as wonderful and positive as I can. This is the only way I will heal.

Today was rough, but tonight I will not let things get to me. As we speak I am playing Florence and the Machine in between practicing and recording positive affirmations and already I feel like my spirit has been lifted. I love that these things and writing can help me achieve that, in addition to the wonderful people in my life.

One day I will be me again. Today is now and tomorrow is unknown, so I will choose to live in the now and not worry about the future that lies ahead. I have to just trust in myself, my body and the Universe that things will get better, because I know they will. They definitely will.

This is just one chapter of the book that we aren’t even halfway through.

I’m just going to enjoy this chapter for now.

Happy Reading!

-the Soulful Wanderer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Japanese Wonderland

 

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Today, after a week of incredible up’s and down’s I escaped to Japan.

Okay, so obviously it wasn’t the real Japan, but it was an incredible taste of the beautiful culture and scenery that Japan offers and a great warm up for my plans to travel there next year.

This is the Japanese Gardens, a beautiful cultural space that surrounds an art gallery and cultural centre in the heart of East Gosford.

I may not be able to financially or physically get to Japan just as yet but this experience was just breathtaking, being surrounded by so much natural beauty it was visually overwhelming. In the best possible way of course.

The gorgeous water painted in lillie pads, koi fish swimming calmly while ducks wandered peacefully on the waters edge. It was like a painting but one that I was a part of.

Everything about this place calmed me, putting aside all of the thoughts that had overwhelmed me the entire week. The stress of uni and business, the sadness over some unexpected, yet somewhat expected news and the yearning for some me time, this was the perfect remedy. Being one with nature, with the animals in a space that was full of beauty and wonder.

As I embraced every moment, every sight, nothing else mattered. Just the astounding wonderfulness of the world we live in.

Life may be full of highs and lows, moments of happiness and moments of sadness, but when we just stop to enjoy the present, none of those emotions can grasp us. The Power of Now by Eckart Toll has helped me comprehend that. The past is the past, the future is in the future, so take life for what it is now in this moment and just love it with all of your being.

In this moment today, while standing amongst the Japanese wonderland, I was able to do just that. Not only was I astonished by the beauty that surrounded me but I was amazed how much listening to the incredible book had helped me. I wasn’t anxiously looking ahead or sadly looking back, I was just so incredibly happy in that now.

Every day, in every moment I am writing the story of my life. I just want to make it a masterpiece that I will look back on one day as the soul-searching journey that defined me. This is why I choose to live in the moment and just make every moment beautiful.

Wherever you are, Japan or far away, just know that you have a choice. Do you want to live for then, now or later. I know what I choose and my life is greater for it.

Live in the moment, for the moment. You won’t regret it.

– the Soulful Wanderer

 

How I Conquered Chronic Fatigue and Now, I am Conquering the World

 

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THE MANIFESTATION

In our lives, each one of us is faced with hardships and challenges that act to test us, teach us and set us on the right path.

For me, the biggest obstacle I faced, the one that absolutely transformed my life and set me on the journey I am on today came in the form of an debilitating illness called Chronic Fatigue.

Like a bolt of lightening, this illness struck me down approximately 3 years ago and from what it seemed, entirely out of the blue. After years of pushing myself to the limit, working multiple jobs, studying, socialising and training at the gym, the exhaustion and fatigue hit me like a tonne of bricks and turned my life upside down.

At the time when it happened, my life was going swimmingly. I had just completed my Personal Training course, was working at Vision Personal Training while building my own fitness business, working at a shoe store and trying to maintain my strict fitness regime.

Then, over the course of a few weeks I began to notice changes in my body. I became increasingly fatigued, unable to workout or work at my usual capacity and struggled to get through a typical day. My thoughts became cloudy and overwhelmed my mind, making it hard to communicate or articulate with others. I began to feel consistently bloated, unable to stomach my usual foods and my immune system just kept crashing, with a sore throat and flu coming on regularly. I was so tired, I craved sugar and carbohydrates all the time just to try and make it through whatever I was doing. My muscles ached and I felt depressed, anxious and just all round horrible.

At first I had no idea what was going on and the worst thoughts came to mind. I worried I had cancer or was dying, and endless doctors visits and blood tests with no avail did not help ease my concerns. Having suffered from depression previously, the Doctors and I began to fear that a bad episode of depression had come on. It didn’t make sense though when everything in my life had been going so fantastic.

After after a month or so, the mental and physical fatigue became so bad that I had to quit my job as a Personal Trainer, my job working in retail and put University studies on hold. I couldn’t train anymore, socialise or even work. I lost my financial independence, my zest for life and as a result, my will to live. In hindsight, the decision to move to away from my family to Melbourne with my then partner in the middle of it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do. I needed my family and support more than ever.

THE UNVEILING

For 6 months following the onset, I was pretty much passed between Doctors and Specialists trying to figure out what was going on with my body. I was frustrated, even more worried and desperate for answers! So I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I began researching my symptoms, using Dr Google to try and diagnose myself in light of my Doctor’s being able to do so. Eventually I found something that seemed to line up with all of my symptoms- Adrenal and Chronic Fatigue. Unfortunately though there was no known cure or treatment.

I approached my doctor with my findings, hoping it would bring us closer to answers. I desperately wanted an outcome, but at the same time I hoped it would be something that was treatable, unlike the illnesses I had come across.

Surprisingly, my Doctor heard out my findings and decided to refer me to a Rheumatologist, particularly after a test result came back showing some kind of inflammation. Finally we were getting somewhere!

After three or four months of visiting the Rheumatologist, having a ridiculous amount of tests and blood tests and forking out huge amounts of money, I was finally given a ‘tentative’ diagnosis, Fibromyaligia. Through the process of elimination, this was the final outcome.

I thought I would be relieved after all of this, but in fact I became much more depressed. The Rheumatologist gave me a fact sheet on Fibromyalgia which pretty much outlined what was to be my future. I would not be able to work, barely be able to socialise and exercise, well you could count that out. I was told that as this condition was treatable and incurable, I would be stuck with this lack of mental and physical energy forever. The diagnosis was then confirmed as Chronic Fatigue by a head Professor of Immunology, which didn’t make matters any better.

From there, I spiralled out of control a bit. I swear, if it wasn’t for the fact that I had a loving partner and wonderful family, I would have just ended my life then and there. What was the point in living a life where I couldn’t even actually live? I began feeling sorry for myself and isolated myself even more from the world and those around me.

THE TURNING POINT

Then one day, something clicked inside me. I don’t know where it came from or what brought it on, but I decided that I could not let this illness dictate my life anymore. I had always been a strong, fighting personality who refused to give up, so why would I give up now? This girl was going to fight!

That began my mission to recover. I tried everything I could, read up on everything and essentially educated myself on healing and health remedies. I tried a nutritional program, a detox program, consulted two Naturopaths, a psychologist and an Exercise physiologist and enquired about various other programs to help. Everyone around me seemed to know someone who had had Chronic Fatigue or Fibromyalgia that cured it from this and that and provided me with endless suggestions. I was overwhelmed with possibilities for a cure or treatment.

After 2.5 years of struggling with the mental and physical exhaustion and periods of up’s and down’s, it wasn’t until 6 months ago in October last year I really started to see myself progress. Other people and myself had given me the hope I needed to recover and I knew that it was a possibility, but it wasn’t until the resignation of another job and a break up from my partner of 3 years I realised what the answer was: me.

All this time, I had been depending on others and their infinite wisdom to help me get better but little did I realise that the only person who could heal me was me. I was giving all the power to others when instead I should have been giving the power to myself to make things better.

After all the work I had done, this was the point I decided that I would be accountable for my fatigue. I had caused it so why couldn’t I allow myself the power to eliminate it? The answer was that I could.

I began listening to self-development podcasts, something I had done in the past without purpose, but now with a drive to heal myself, they became even more crucial. I started reading every self development book I could get my hands on, listened to as many Youtube videos as possible and began to set intentions, practice gratitude and retrain my thoughts through the power of positive affirmations. If I was going to embark on this process of self development and healing, I was going to give it my all.

THE PRESENT

Now, 6 months on from making this decision and 3 years after the onset of Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue (whatever fatigue I have), I am feeling more optimistic, happier and healthier than ever. My energy has been restored to approximately 80%, in comparison to the 20% or so I had at the beginning, my thoughts are clearer and my muscle pain, depression and anxiety are almost obsolete.

In the process of my recovery, I decided that while my main focus was healing, working a ‘traditional’ job was not going to be a good fit for me. I wanted to focus as much energy on getting better as possible and if I was going to earn some kind of income, wanted it to be in a manner that could correspond with this goal. This was the moment I decided to embark on the journey of creating my own job, a job that fit in with my recovery.

These days, in between working out at the gym 3-4 days a week, yoga and bike riding, my main focus is working on several opportunities that will enable me to build a career that I love and can travel the world doing and help others do the same.

This whole experience has completely transformed my philosophy on life and if there is one take-away from all of it, it is that life is the greatest gift and should be enjoyed to the full. Sure I didn’t have a deadly or life-threatening illness, but it was one that really limited my capacity to enjoy the life I had.

By almost losing that and being exposed to the potential life I could have had if I had refused to give up, I have completely reformulated my whole perspective. No longer do I want to let other’s dictate my life, my health or wealth, only I am capable of making that decision.

Therefore, I choose to live a life where my days are filled with gratitude, happiness and adventure. I strive to learn new things and teach myself in order to better my life, my business opportunities and in time that of others. My goal is to create and invest in multiple businesses so that I can focus on self development and travelling the world. My biggest ambition however is to help others live the life of their dreams so they avoid burning themselves into the ground, trying to keep up with the current way of life like I did. I wouldn’t wish this illness upon anyone and if I can help prevent that in anyway, my mission on earth would be accomplished.

THE LESSONS

We were not born to work a 9-5 highly stressful job where our value is exchanged for a petty salary nor were were made to live a life of unhappiness. Depression and anxiety levels are increasing and we are becoming a sicker, more miserable society. So let’s work together to make a change.

We were only given one life, so let us choose how we live it. If you don’t like your job, quit it. If you want to travel the world, do it. If you love someone, tell the them. Whatever you want, you can make it happen. Think it, visualise it and send it out to the Universe for it to take care of.

We are only limited by our own beliefs. The possibilities of this world are endless if we just believe in ourselves and our own capabilities.

I had a bad experience, one that came from limiting beliefs and lack of self- love and I turned it completely on it’s head to make it the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Believe me when I say this- YOU CAN DO IT TOO!

You are a leader in your life, not the victim. You are accountable and in control so stand strong and make a change.

I will be here for you to guide you through it and to provide you with self-development, health and fitness advice that I have used on my own journey but ultimately it is you who decides how you use it.

I hope my story is a testament of what we as humans can achieve in this world and inspires you to take action to do the same. Trust me though, this is only the beginning for me. The first chapter of my novel.

Make this your first chapter to. It all begins right here, right now. You are the driving force.

Look forward to inspiring, motivating and working with you all.

Together we can take on the world. Alone, we are unstoppable.

– the Soulful Wanderer

5 Simple Steps To Setting Intentions

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We all have dreams. Dreams of who we want to be, what we want to do, who we want to love and how much money we want to have. Well intentions are the core components that allow us to achieve these dreams.

An intention is simply the creative force that underlies our dreams, encapsulating everything we want to manifest into several words that we send out to the Universe to make happen.

As I have mentioned previously, setting your intentions daily is crucial to achieving your dreams and goals and overall, accomplishing the success you desire. If you want to make things happen and you want to attract the tools into your life to make them happen, then you need to start with the basic task of setting your intentions.

 

1.  Find A Place of Solitude

In order to uncover what it is you truly want, first of all you have to find that state of pure awareness, beyond the noise that consumes our every day lives.

Allow yourself some quiet time to sit, away from all the loudness of your surroundings and to just be one with yourself and your own thoughts. If you need to, listen to some quiet meditation music to centre yourself and get you into the zone.

Once you are in this state of amplified awareness, you are then able to begin planting your intentions.

2.  Let Your Intentions Soar

Now that you are in a peaceful, heightened state of awareness it is safe to unleash the intentions you wish to manifest.

You have entered a realm of possibilities where anything is possible, so feel free to let go of your greatest desires. Ensure that you do just that, once you have thought it, feel it and then let it go into the infinite state of the Universe.

Do this with every intention that you have. Think it, feel it, let it go. Take a few minutes on each and incorporate them into your morning ritual if possible, following your morning meditation.

3.  Block Out Negativity

With each intention, try to avoid being overwhelmed by doubts or negative influences that may hinder your ability to bring these desires into your life.

Other people may criticise or question our ability to manifest such great things, however it is your duty to eliminate these from our mind, particularly in a state of relaxation during your intention manifestation.

Only the Universe and your higher self are capable of making these things happen, so leave it to them to work their magic.

4.  Embrace Uncertainty

Disconnect yourself from the result of your intentions if they come to fruition.

By attaching ourselves to something, we show insecurity and weakness, which in turn limits the ability for you to be our true, higher self.

Once you have set and released your intentions, allow them to be free and just continue to go on your life as normal. Through this freedom, we will open ourselves up to the right opportunities in due time.

5.  Let the Universe Work Magic

You’ve manifested your intention and created a foundation for them to happen, now you have to trust in the Universe and the law of attraction to make it happen.

Allow yourself to be distant from them and avoid taking control. These things will happen if and when they are meant to. Obsessing over them will achieve nothing but the opposite result.

Remember, the Universe is a truly magical force and always has your back.

Follow these basic and steps, and there will be no stopping the great things that will manifest in your life.

There will be plenty more to come on the powerful force of the Universe, so stay tuned Soulies!

Happy Manifesting tribe!

– the Soulfule Wanderer xxx

 

7 Morning Rituals of Happy, Successful People

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I don’t know about you, but if there is one thing I want to be in this world, besides ecstatically happy and enlightened, is being successful.

When I started going through this massive shift in my life, on my journey towards finding my true self, the one thing I sought out was methods and strategies that I could employ to create the life I wanted. I read books, listened to podcasts, watched Youtube videos and spoke to any successful person I could to gain insight into the life that I wanted to manifest. I took advantage of every piece of information I could get my hands on.

Along the way, one of the key things I learned was the importance of an effective morning routine in creating the foundation for abundance, prosperity and happiness. Employed by the most financially and spiritually successful individuals in the world, a carefully structured set of morning rituals are crucial to creating a highly productive day and of course, an abundant life. After all, mornings are the most productive time of the day right?

If you want to succeed and achieve your goals, then reformulating your usual morning routine is the key to build a prosperous life. Successful individuals understand the importance of such morning habits and embrace a morning ritual to ensure that their days and lives are set up for success and big achievements.

Start by asking yourself the following questions:

  • What time do I get out of bed?
  • How do I spend my morning
  • What do I eat for breakfast?

Are these habits aiding or hindering your success? Are they setting the standard for effective and productive days in your business or at your job or are they rushed and stressful like your work days?

If you are an individual who falls into this category, then don’t worry, I have formulated some of the greatest morning routines from the world’s most successful individuals a to help you build your own successful empire!

  1. Wake Up Early You may not be a morning person now, but trust me you will benefit greatly if you muster up the motivation up the energy to get up earlier and use your time wisely. Waking up before 7am, I have personally found especially beneficial as it allows me time to focus on me, the most important person, before I get out there and take on the world. Start with waking up 10-15 minutes earlier each week until you get to your goal wake up time. It may take a little time to get yourself into a routine of going to bed and waking up earlier but once you do you will feel much more motivated and enlightened for the day ahead.
  2. Meditation Meditation allows us to bring solitude to our lives and teaches us to just be present. When there is so much happening in the world, it is the perfect outlet from our busy lives to just be at one with ourselves. Take at least 10-15minutes every morning listening to some guided meditation or meditation music. Not only will you feel less stress and anxious about the day ahead, but you will feel more centered and your thoughts will be clearer for you to take on whatever the day throws at you.
  3. Practice Positive Affirmations We all have limiting beliefs that restrict us from taking action or making changes in our lives. Limiting beliefs can cloud our thoughts and at times, can sabotage our own success. By practicing positive affirmations daily, we are able to slowly transition from these negative, restrictive thoughts to a place of positive,affirming thoughts where the possibilities of life are endless. Through practicing this ritual in the morning, ideally in front of the mirror, we create the foundation for a positive day full of greatness and success.
  4. Have a Healthy, Mindful Breakfast If you are rushing out the door grabbing a coffee and muffin on the way to work or even worse, not having breakfast then you are sabotaging your own success. By taking the time to sit down and enjoy a nutritious breakfast, you are not only setting yourself up mentally for the day ahead, but physically as well. Your body will function a lot better with a good meal in it and your brain will operate like a boss to help you absolutely ace the day!
  5. Do  Some Exercise or Yoga Seriously, starting the day off with exercise, even if it is just 5-10 minutes is the perfect way to get the endorphins pumping and get your blood flowing through your body for the day. I start every day with a 10-15 minute yoga or ab work out and let me tell you, for the rest of the day I work absolutely incredibly. Get some fitness into your morning routine and you will be not only one happy camper but you will fly through your daily schedule like a charm.
  6. Revisit Your Goals Let me just start by saying we should all be having goals that we are working towards. By having goals, just like a GPS, we are able to see where we are going and navigate our way there. Start off with the big goals, goals we wish to achieve over a year and then break them down into monthly, weekly and daily goals. Every day we should be revisiting our daily goals, making sure that we are on track and then assessing them entirely at the end of our weeks and months. By doing this, we become accountable for our goals and are more likely to lead ourselves to achieving them throughout the day.
  7. Set Your Intentions For The Day Setting our intentions is all part of a wonderful process called the Law of Attraction and is the first step in manifesting our dreams. By writing down what we want out of life and taking 5 minutes to visualise it we are increasing the likelihood that the Universe will guide what we desire towards us. Don’t stress about the finer details of how it is going to get to you, the Universe will take care of it for you! If you are really super keen (like I obviously am), you can create a Universe box and spend 5-10 minutes every morning writing down your intentions and placing them in the box. Once they are in the box, they are the Universe’s responsibility to take care of and make happen for you.

I assure you, employ these 7 morning routines and before you know it, you will be leading the successful life of your dreams before you know it!

Happy succeeding!

– The Soulful Wanderer

 

10 Things Chronic Fatigue Taught Me About Life

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I’m not going to lie to you, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a devil of an illness to have. It comes into your life like a storm and completely tornadoes over every part of who you are and what you live for. Although, it can also be a blessing in disguise.

If someone had told me 3 years ago that my endless amounts of energy would expire and I would be forced to live a completely different life, I would never have believed you. My life was fantastic, I had everything at my fingertips and was heading down the path I always dreamed of. Or so I thought.

Fast-track to the present day and here I am and quite frankly I would not change anything that has happened nor the onset of this supposed ‘chronic’ illness for the life of me. Why? Because it has taught me so much about myself, people and life that I could never have discovered if it wasn’t for the path I was led down by Chronic Fatigue.

The amount of wisdom and knowledge it has provided me with is beyond any book I could have read nor any amount of studying I could have done. This experience truly has provided me with so many life lessons and for that I am so very grateful.

  1. To live in the present Before I became unwell, I was always rushed and never stopped to take things in. I didn’t make time for others or getting to know them, I was oblivious to the beauty of the world that surrounded me and my brain was always thinking to the future rather then focusing on the present moments. I was too caught up in this busy, fast-paced lifestyle that so many of us are accustomed to in today’s society. However when Chronic Fatigue hit me, I was literally forced to stop and take notice of things. These days instead of ignoring the wonder of things around me, I take time to stop to smell the roses (literally), breathe in the fresh air of nature and talk and listen with love to the people that matter in my life. I take pride in my ability to embrace my surroundings and savour in every moment rather then being anxious about what is to come.
  2. To be more compassionate and empathetic I hate to say it, but prior to getting Chronic Fatigue I was very self-absorbed. I didn’t really care much about others nor did I bother taking time out to listen to their needs or problems- I was too focused on my own. It wasn’t because I was not a good person, but more because I was just too time-poor and over-ambitious. When Chronic Fatigue struck, over time my mindset began to adjust. With lower energy I found myself talking less and listening more enabling me to learn more about others and their worries or concerns. I began to understand the hardships of others and with my own personal experiences managing Chronic Fatigue, I was able to relate more to their stories and build better relationships as a result. I am thankful to say because of this I have gained some deep and loving friendships and relationships that I treasure very close to my heart.
  3. To be more confident When your body starts attacking you, draining all of the life out of you and robbing you of your mental and physical energy, you begin to look and feel like crap. When I first got sick I felt bloated all the time, my skin began to break out badly and I felt as though I had the flu 24/7, complete with aching muscles and horrible shivers. I had always struggled with my self-esteem and confidence, especially after having acne, freckles and being bullied as a kid, but the moment all of this started happening in my body, things plummeted further sending me into a state of deep depression. Despite it being a very cyclical journey, through the process of meditation, reading tons of self-development books and practising affirmations I have grown to completely love myself and be confident in the skin I am in. I may not be Angelina Jolie or have the body of a Victoria’s secret model but I am comfortably me and for that I am beyond happy.
  4. It is okay to be unwell The most challenging thing I faced when I first got sick was actually accepting that I was unwell. My body knew something wasn’t right but for so long my mind was fighting it, trying to convince me that nothing was wrong and to keep going. I knew that if I accepted it somehow it would make things real and I would be perceived as weak, incompetent or even lazy by others. I worried what my friend’s and family would think. I fought this for so long that I truly believe it jeopardised my recovery process. When I finally let myself become vulnerable and accept the illness, I began to see things from a new standpoint and created the platform I needed to enable myself to recover. These days I am able to openly talk about my experiences with Chronic Fatigue in order to educate and help others going through illness or hardships.
  5. That health is the most important thing I cannot emphasise this point enough! As somebody that used to absolutely thrash their body, despite eating healthy and exercising, a holistic lifestyle is the most important gift you can give yourself to retain a good quality of life. When your health is out of alignment, everything else collapses- your job or career, family and relationships, financial situation and ability to travel and do things you love. Trust me, I have been there. Treat your mind and body like a temple. Eat healthy, wholesome foods, stay active, do yoga and stretching daily, see a medical professional when you have a health concern, avoid stress, practice mindfulness and most importantly listen to your body. When you have a healthy, happy mind and body the rest of your life is harmonious.
  6. The simple things in life are the most important ones When you are completely stripped of everything in your life, you truly do come to value what is really important. When I got Chronic Fatigue I lost the ability to work my dream job, study at university or do any of the things I once enj0yed doing such as exercising or socialising. Consequently not only was I stripped of my energy, but my financial freedom and the things that once defined me, which didn’t leave me with much. Or so I thought. In the process of my recovery, and through the power of mindfulness and daily gratitudes I came to find that I was in fact infinitely rich in what really mattered. I had a wonderful, supportive network of family and friends, a bed to sleep in at night, fresh, clean water and food and some money for the necessities, there wasn’t really much more that I needed. Material things could never compensate for how whole I felt when I realised this fact.
  7. It is okay to ask for help Asking for help definitely sounds easier then it is. As a self-confessed independent woman, losing my ability to be self-sufficient and work was definitely a feat to get my head around. Eventually though I was left with no choice. I had to suck up my pride and reach out to both my mum and my dad for support and at times had to lean on my partner to help get me through the hard times. I realised that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness or loss of independence, it is simply depending on those you love when you need them and in turn doing the same for them when they need you. It is the test of any true relationship.
  8. You don’t have to be perfect at everything This is coming from a former type-A perfectionist, so you best believe it. As someone who has always strived to get the absolute best results in everything and nothing less, I essentially burnt myself into the ground with this mentality. I wanted to be the best personal trainer, the best salesperson and get all high distinctions in my university course all while trying to be the best girlfriend, have the perfect body and having the most presentable and cleanest apartment. Eventually, my OCD and perfectionist ways backfired and instead of being able to be the best I had to learn to prioritise where to focus my energy.  I learned, with the help of a specialist that I worked with, that it is okay not to be the best at everything and to just settle for what I can do with the energy and stamina I have got. In this process I also discovered that perfectionism was a way of trying to mask my lack of self-worth and when I worked on building my self value, I was able to let go of my perfectionist habits.
  9. To be patient Patience was never my strong point. I always wanted everything and I wanted it to happen now not later. Instead of completing one thing and then moving onto another, my impatience caused me to do everything all at once. Of course, this is another contributing factor which led to my eventual burnout and Chr0nic Fatigue Syndrome onset. It became more obvious when I got Chronic Fatigue as instead of just letting my body slowly work through healing, I tried to force myself into getting better by taking a plethora of different supplements and following many different treatment regimes. It wasn’t until I spoke to a specialist that I realised the only way I was going to get better was one factor: TIME. After it’s extreme burn out, my body needed time to heal back to a level of normality and a journey that would require a degree of patience from myself. These days, I am much more stable and tolerant, enjoying taking each day as it comes in my recovery process and focusing on slowly working towards my goals and ambitions. I know that great things will happen in time.
  10. The importance of self love Self love is so important and it wasn’t until my recovery from Chronic Fatigue, I realised how much I lacked in that department. For years prior I had subdued myself to self-criticism and low self-worth to the point where I felt the opposite for myself- complete self-hate. I lacked confidence and had poor self-esteem which subjected me to avoiding many great opportunities in life and constantly quitting things instead of following them through. It also drove me to the point of perfectionism. It wasn’t until I consulted with a Psychic that I truly realised what I needed to get better, complete and utter self-love. Instead of sabotaging my recovery telling myself how hopeless and unworthy I am, I began knuckling down to the root cause of my issues and practising positive affirmations to overcome these limiting beliefs. Particularly after the break up from my ex-partner of 3 years, I was able to completely focus 100% on me and showing myself all the love that I usually had given out to others and deprived myself of. Together with my affirmations, healthy eating and regular meditation, I reignited all of my passions, going to the gym, playing cricket, writing, enabling me to find the self that I loved so much. Now I can happily say that most days, I love myself immensely. Sure I still have that niggling bit of criticism or self doubt that sometimes appears but the majority of the time I feel happy, loved and comfortable in the skin I am in.

Whatever journey we are going through in life, I am sure that we all have valuable lessons to take away. In my personal experience, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome was not imposed upon me because I was being punished or had done something wrong, it simply happened to teach me some amazing things that I had previously been too ignorant to see.

I now understand with more clarity why this happened to me and despite the hardships I faced suffering from this chronic illness, would not change what has happened nor what I have learned for the world. I am a wiser, more valuable and loving person because of it.

There are still many lessons to be learned in life, but for this chapter I am coming out the other side with a whole new wonderful perspective on my own life and the world. I have so much to look forward to in the future and am completely enthralled for what lies ahead.

Sometimes life takes us down the path we least expect, but in doing so teaches us the greatest lessons in life. It is these lessons that define us and transform us into the greatest person we can be.

Love to you all on your journey of learning and self-discovery.

Peace and love

– The Soulful Wanderer